I was convinced I had a narcissist target branded on my forehead.
Everywhere I turned, there was another narcissist, and I was the chosen target. Potential love interests, new friends, colleagues, you name it. It was like no one was safe like no one was healthy.
After ending a long-term narcissistic relationship, I recognized the red flags. I also knew to end those toxic relationships quickly.
Yet, the pattern was brutal.
- Meet someone new.
- Feel excited, even giddy, that this new person came into my life.
- Think about them often — first thing in the morning, last thing each evening.
- Check my phone non-stop, so I won’t miss a communication.
- I stayed up late talking or disrupting what I was doing to take the call.
- See the red flags.
- End the relationship.
- Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
My trauma bond was running the show. It was like a beacon, summoning narcissists from all over the world. My trauma bond kept entangling me in narcissist drama, which only strengthened my trauma bond. It was crazy-making.
What is a trauma bond?
A trauma bond is a chemical reaction in the nervous system of the victim. It requires both repetitive abuse AND rare or unpredictable pleasure.
Imagine being put down by your boyfriend for 2 weeks — you’re told you’ve gained weight, you’ve let yourself go, your clothes are frumpy, you’re turning into your mother.