Woo-Woo Crystals Are Hippy Voodoo Bullshit
<p>When you deep clean your house — do you strap sage, apophyllite, kyanite, and unobtainium to a Roomba? Did you try to charge your Tesla with moonlight? Do you realign your chakras with uranium ore?</p>
<p>If you answered yes to any of the above, you might be under the influence of crystals (or, crystal meth). I get it, shiny stones are pretty! But their influence should stop at feng shui.</p>
<p><em>‘But Robin, crystals make me feel so grounded!’</em></p>
<p>Yeah. You’ve got a pocket full of rocks. You’ve discovered Newton’s law of universal gravitation. The rocks are your apple; the ‘grounding’ is gravity. Those rocks are literally trying to pull you back down to earth.</p>
<p>Ladies, can we stop with the crystals bullshizzle? Suffragettes are rolling over in their graves. Pioneering female scientist Marie Curie didn’t die from polonium crystal exposure so we could worship the magical powers of shiny geology.</p>
<p>Our foremothers wouldn’t be the only people laughing. A lot of dudes are too. How would I know that? Well, anecdotally (like the magic powers of pebbles)…a while ago I changed my dating profile to include ‘crystals are hippy voodoo’ (and ‘astrology is for people who don’t understand how astronomy works’) and I practically got a standing O from the men.</p>
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