Where Does Self Hate Come From?

That may seem harsh and difficult to understand. If you know me personally, it may be hard to accept. “Not Bret, he’s always smiling.” Hating myself doesn’t mean I never smile or I can’t enjoy the world around me. I can and I do. But still, this feeling is always there, just under the surface. I think I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding it. Self-hate is directly related to low moods, depression, and anxiety. I have suffered those negative feelings for years. I have difficulty recognizing success, and I focus instead on my failures. Hating myself is a constant internal reminder that I’m not good enough, that I am not deserving. Too many of my conversations begin with “I’m sorry.” I am asking forgiveness before I even begin. No matter how diligent I may be at home or at work, in my mind, it’s never going to be good enough. While waiting to be served in a restaurant, if my order is late or it’s wrong, I don’t react. I would never say, “I didn’t order a baked potato, I ordered fries.” I just smile and say nothing at all. Friends view my behavior and insist that I’m too nice. But I’m not trying to be nice, I’m avoiding conflict. I don’t want to bring negative attention. Actually, I don’t want any attention. I also feel guilty about how the other person (my friend, my boss, the waitress) will feel knowing that I disagree. I don’t deserve to be heard. My opinion isn’t very important…I’ll just stick with the baked potato. On the other side of this avoidance, and the feeling that my needs are unimportant, is the anger that exists inside me. <a href="https://medium.com/illumination/where-does-self-hate-come-from-a70d7f30a163">Read More</a>