Faces That Reveal Hidden Emotions
I began this painting with reference to a photo of a man whom I found attractive. Perhaps we always begin with beauty? Or fascination? Maybe this is the same thing. It think it is in my case.
The expression I painted was not his, but mine: someone who is unsettled and searching.
Strangers on the street used to tell me that I was a happy person, because I smiled a lot, a habit I picked up from years learning to appear friendly and pleasing: a nonthreatening woman.
The first self portrait I did didn’t look much like me. It was of a very sad woman. It was as if I had painted not the face I showed the world, but the face I didn’t show to anyone, even to myself.
Painting could be dangerous, I thought. Wha if painting revealed other things about myself I wasn’t ready to face?
Things appeared in paintings I didn’t anticipate, and wasn’t fully in control of. It didn’t matter if I started with a self portrait or a portrait of someone else. It seemed that what emerged was a reflection, a mirror wearing faces not my own, that that nevertheless showed me some aspect of myself I couldn’t see directly.