Imagine an alien land on Earth and learning our customs… They’d be so confused about why we incessantly ask about each other’s well-being but never wait for a substantive reply!
“How are you?”
These three words are often asked rhetorically and out of habit, without a genuine interest in the answer. My response is usually a perfunctory “Fine, thanks,” regardless. I use these words as a meaningless conversational filler, akin to saying “Hello” without intending to start a substantive dialogue.
Sometimes “How are you?” is asked while passing by me quickly, without time or intention to listen to my response.
The following could be a make-believe conversation:
“How are you?”
“Fine,” comes my default response, even a dying person gives. The truth is that at that moment, it’s so long since I’ve been fine that I have no idea what that feels like anymore.
I’ve observed that we rarely want to know the answer when we ask, “How’s it going?” or “How are you?” in passing. It’s just a stand-in for “I don’t really know what to say, so I’ll pretend that I care to know.”