Why Is it so Hard for Us to Believe Our Partner’s Changes?

So how was it since we last met?” I ask Alex. “Paulina has been touching me more,” he says, his face still. “That’s great! No? Why aren’t you smiling?” “Because she’s only doing it because you suggested she do that. She didn’t do it because she wanted to do it,” he says, somewhat disappointed. “You’re right. So what?” Paulina answered. “And if she did it only because that’s what we decided, that doesn’t count?” “No. It doesn’t.” Paulina exhaled and stared down at the ground. My job is to help couples change their current behavior and expand their repertoire. How do we do it? Through hard work. Through doing new things; new things that may not be natural, comfortable, or familiar. Any deep change will, by definition, unbalance the relationship, increase anxiety, and create new situations that the couple may not be used it (read more about systemic change <a href="https://medium.com/relationship-stories/how-can-we-manifest-long-lasting-change-in-our-relationships-d9656589171c" rel="noopener">here</a>). So Alex was right. Paulina did not change her behavior because she suddenly had a burning desire to give him a hug. She cognitively decided to do it. It wasn’t natural or easy for her, because, if it had been natural for her, she would have done it already! <a href="https://medium.com/hello-love/why-is-it-so-hard-for-us-to-believe-our-partners-changes-6b7a4acc884b">Visit Now</a>