Why Is It So Uncomfortable Choosing Ourselves Over Our Parents?

These are common narratives I hear in the therapy room when working with immigrants and children of immigrants who are trying to come into their “<a href="https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-0-387-79061-9_331" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" target="_blank">bicultural identities</a>” (and are beliefs I’ve struggled with myself throughout my life). Clients tell me how heavily their parents’ disappointment weighs on them whenever they even think about making decisions that their parents might disapprove of, let alone take actions towards those decisions (that would be truly unimaginable). It feels like they must constantly choose between the discomfort of doing what they want at their parents’ expense or doing what their parents want at their own expense. After recognizing that neither of these are ideal options, they almost always tell me that choosing themselves feels harder because of the immense feelings of shame and guilt that they know would follow. When you choose to disappoint yourself instead of your parents, at least this is something that only impacts you, and some part of us tells us that this means it’s easier to deal with (spoiler — it’s not). <a href="https://blog.zarminakhan.com/why-is-it-so-uncomfortable-choosing-ourselves-over-our-parents-fcc18df7dbcd">Read More</a>