She’s Stuck in His House

Ifeel like I’m stuck in a Westworld host loop, trying desperately to change a pre-programmed outcome. For over two years now, my best friend and I have the same conversation. It’s not every time we speak (although there are ‘phases’ where this happens for days, or weeks before we can speak on anything else). It goes something like this: she calls me in a state somewhere on the spectrum between hissy, shouting, or on the verge of tears. I’m treated to a run down on her latest fight with her live-in partner, which I’ve usually heard before (many times) because they’ve been having the same fights for years. They’ve added to the list of things they regularly fight over in that time but nothing has come off that list via constructive resolution. I’m not angry at her — not at all. She did the same for me. Years ago, when I was trapped in my abusive marriage, she was my strongest lifeline. Better than blood ties, she’s my found family, sister from another mister. I love her and will continue in this loop until the sun sets on us or the pattern is finally broken. She’s known her relationship is no longer functional or healthy for those same two years. Why does she stay? The honest answer: the men who designed our society and drafted this country’s laws and built its institutions didn’t intend for her to ever have the option to leave. Everything is stacked against her. She knows that she should leave for both their sakes but can’t. Having this conversation looping back again dredges up my trauma because, while I’ll be the first to admit Leo isn’t the sadistic narcissist my ex is, the situation and its restricted ‘choices’ is familiar to any mature woman who’s had a long term cohabitating relationship. <a href="https://medium.com/fourth-wave/what-we-do-for-shelter-from-the-storm-de95d34ce80a">Visit Now</a>