What is Love? Two Simple Binaries That Help Us Love Better.

Recently, a friend and I met for coffee. Our conversation predictably landed to her relationship. She was expressing frustration about not feeling seen, or deeply met. It was a longtime story for her, and she was sensing a “used by date” looming. “But she really loves me…in her way,” asserted my friend. “I mean, I know she cares about me; I know she has deep feelings about me…” she trailed off, her eyes averted down to her coffee cup. I knew she was holding back tears. “…but, well, but I just don’t feel loved.” If I had a dollar for any time a friend, client, or family member said this to me over the years, I’d…well, I’d probably be doing exactly what I’m doing, but with a lot more savings in my bank account! How is it that we live in a world full of people who proclaim love, while at the same time so many feel unloved? I believe it is because there is a fundamental gap in our understanding of how love works. I used to witness this gap during my days as a horse trainer and riding instructor in my 20’s. In this line of work, one’s clients were usually very wealthy and could afford the best of everything — best boarding stable, best training, best truck and trailer, best tack and gear. All this to serve horses that could cost anywhere from $50,000 to $250,000. Each day I would walk the long, immaculately cleaned barn aisles hosting dozens of box stalls built from the finest materials. Well-oiled leather halters with polished brass fittings hung neatly on the stall doors lovingly enhanced with a silver nameplate: “Rubicon’s Moonlight” or “Diamante Fino”. Inside stood a quiet — too quiet — beautiful and shiny equine. <a href="https://kelly-equus.medium.com/what-is-love-two-simple-binaries-that-help-us-love-better-d8f07bcd43e5">Learn More</a>