It Took Me 8 Years to Want to Heal & Healing Didn't Increase My Value

If I’m being honest with you, I didn’t even know I was being raped until a case worker assigned this title to the abuse I was experiencing. Because my abuse began at five years old, that thirteen-year-old girl in her office had no experience with a life without rape. For who I was then, rape was normal. Uncomfortable but normal. As I sat in her office and was crowned the gut-wrenching title of "Rape Victim," police were removing my rapist from my home. My life completely changed that day. While my sexual abuse was something my parents weren't completely ignorant of, it was really a "don't ask, don't tell," type of situation. All of the sudden, something everyone knew about but never talked about had dozens of eyes on it. Police, detectives, district attorneys, therapists, psychiatrists, social workers, child protective services, and even my principal knew the details of something I was not allowed to even talk about a week prior. As soon as I was no longer being raped, I began to feel pressured into healing from a lifetime of rape as quickly as possible. The various therapists and psychiatrists that treated me urged me to adopt the term “survivor,” instead of “victim.” I can understand why this small change can lead to empowerment, as “I am a survivor,” is much more powerful than, “I am a victim.” But personally, I never liked the word “survivor," and "victim" was never a label I attached to myself. For me it felt like I was publically branded "Rape Victim," then the same people who gave me this label immediately began telling me I needed to transform a label I never asked for into something that empowered me. <a href="https://medium.com/mystic-minds/if-you-dont-want-to-get-better-that-s-okay-too-1319e5027710">Read More</a>