I am not lovable
<p>Today isn’t even my birthday, and I feel like I grew up. I don’t know why. Maybe it was because I’ve been able to survive lately? Or because I’m not complaining about things again? Strange, but..true.</p>
<p>Never felt like an adult. Either never wanted (even back then) to be an adult. Life teaches me to let go and continue what is right while trying to fix what is wrong. So basically, I just try to figure out how adult life usually works, the rest? I rarely understand this phase.</p>
<p>I beg for clarity, to deep-knowing what is going on in my life, questioning almost everything that happens to me logically to get clarity. But one that I learned from being an adult. It was hard to find the right or the wrong in it because life gives us many things to face, things that sometimes make me afraid and sometimes make me wonder why I have to do it. Someday I can see something was wrong but the other day it suddenly change. Or, maybe, things never change, but my perception is.</p>
<p>I was busy forgiving other people’s mistakes but hard getting forgiveness from others. Living with many mistakes, shame, and incompetence has been the most painful wound I’ve given myself. Not to mention the ones that have to do with other people, I sometimes wonder, where does all this patience come from? Because when I looked back to see my younger self, I through so many hard times.</p>
<p>I’ve been sitting in the corner for almost two hours, ordered a hot chocolate many times, and finished two biscuits. I promised not to drink coffee on my days off, and this is the fourth week I’ve kept that promise.</p>
<p>While I was busy organizing my thoughts, I was distracted by a couple sitting across from me. They seemed to be celebrating a special day, there was a flower.</p>
<p><a href="https://medium.com/@nasyasalsabila/i-am-not-lovable-b1ccf4ee2342">Read More</a></p>