Stop Trying to “Find Yourself” — It’s Not the Key to a Fulfilling Life.

A man I worked with was on a self-improvement bender. He’d been through a devastating marriage breakup, moved to a new country and wanted a fresh start. He had enough money that he didn’t need to work immediately so he’d given himself six months for the project that was Him. First stop, the gym. Second stop, therapy. Now, I always applaud people who want to understand more about who they are — why they think, feel and act in the ways they do. That, after all, is the essence of therapy. But it makes me nervous when someone puts their life on hold to work on themselves. Mostly because it loads the process with expectation, it holds it to an outcome. And therapy — just like life — doesn’t work that way. <h1>Too much self-focus? Hmmmm.</h1> My client had been left emotionally ragged by his breakup. It was smart for him to invest some time in unpacking what went wrong, his role in it, what he did — and absolutely did not — do. To understand his baggage before hauling it into another relationship. But six months of intense self-focus? Too much introspection tends to spin people in circles. It’s unsettling. It’s anxiety-provoking. And it’s very hard on anyone in their orbit. Aside from the self-absorption it’s, well, boring. Therapists work in mysterious ways. That is, we all have our own — hopefully evidence-based — ways of getting alongside our clients and helping them. I like to take a practical route to shifting thoughts and behaviours, to helping someone figure out who they are. <a href="https://medium.com/on-the-couch/stop-trying-to-find-yourself-its-not-the-key-to-a-fulfilling-life-c0dbf0efb5f">Website</a>