Corpse Of Mitch McConnell Is ‘Perfectly Capable’ Insists Senator

Sen. Mike Rounds (R-S.D) insisted that Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is “perfectly capable” of continuing his work after the late politician keeled over during a press conference, “I spoke at Mitch yesterday evening… and, sure… he didn’t say much, but he’s in good shape” Rounds told CNN journalists last night. Speaking at a press conference in Kentucky, McConnell grabbed his chest, and yelled ‘You promised I’d have more time you lying horned son-of-a-bitch’ after being asked about his re-election plans for 2026. He then slumped to the floor, voided his bowels, stopped breathing, and remained motionless face down on the carpet for forty minutes. An aide said McConnell planned to consult a doctor, before correcting herself with ‘coroner.’ The leader has been plagued with ill-health for a while but this is the first time he is believed to have died. Health scares of the 81-year-old, the longest-serving Senate Party have long been the talk of the capitol, raising questions of his suitability and what could be done if he were unable to continue. <a href="https://medium.com/lucid-nightmare/corpse-of-mitch-mcconnell-is-perfectly-capable-insists-senator-4fd83b2b5435">Learn More</a>