I Have a Bad Relationship with Trust & Control
<p>I have lost trust in the vehicle. The vehicle that my soul rides in. Better known as the body. The vessel that we rely on to navigate our lives. To make decisions. To live.</p>
<p>Cancer made me lose that trust. But how do we reconcile that loss?</p>
<p>I wake up each day taking medication that prevents my heart from failing.</p>
<p>My pacemaker jumps when my heart misses a beat.</p>
<p>Scars have cratered my body making it their home.</p>
<p>Yet, the deepest scars lie in my mind.</p>
<p>Trust.</p>
<p>The question that plagues me is: If I cannot even trust my own body, how can I trust anyone or anything else?</p>
<p>My body. The one thing I <em>HAVE or </em><strong>HAD </strong>control over.</p>
<p>Control.</p>
<p>What do we actually control? Is there truly anything?</p>
<p>I enjoy this conversation because, to be frank, we truly do not. We can put our best foot forward and <em>aim</em> for a direction in our lives. But the outcomes? The results? Well, those we do not control. This is where divine grace, religion, faith, and predestination conversations arise. Believe whatever you wish beautiful soul, just bear with me for a second.</p>
<p>From my experience, some might say, well if you eat right, exercise, get enough rest, and take care of your body you will not get sick. I am a shining example of that fat lie. Yes, we can make an effort to treat our bodies well, (and you should, it saved my life) but we have no control over whether we get diagnosed with some cancer or disease.</p>
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