Ageist and Insulting — or normal and friendly?

Recently something interesting has been happening when I complain about ageism. “Are you sure it’s ageism? Maybe they’re just being friendly.” <h2>Is this a form of gaslighting — saying, “It’s all in your mind?” Or a well-intentioned reality check?</h2> With almost every “ism” you’ll get complaints. The New York Times published <a href="http://aginginsneakers.com/badjoke" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" target="_blank">an opinion piece</a> by a Black author offended by a watermelon joke. Some comments accused her of being too sensitive. <h2>Here’s my 5-point test for deciding whether a comment is ageist:</h2> (1) Does the comment make generalized assumptions about all people over a certain age? In particular, does the comment assume people over a certain age have particular gifts (such as <a href="https://medium.com/@goodwincathy/youre-so-wise-is-not-a-compliment-fd6bb927d689" rel="noopener">wisdom</a>), problems (such as having <a href="https://medium.com/@goodwincathy/age-stereotypes-cause-loss-of-sleep-1975e9fb4066" rel="noopener">trouble sleeping</a>), or preferences (anything from early meals to a <a href="http://aginginsneakers.com/dying4retirement" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" target="_blank">desperate desire</a> for retirement)? (2) Does the comment assume every woman over 50 is a grandma (like that ad, “So simple even a grandma could do it”) (3) Does the comment support a stereotype that would make it harder for someone over 50 to be taken seriously? How would a prospective employer hear the comment? Maybe you don’t want a job but you might be keeping someone else from getting one. Examples: References to getting tired easily, resisting change, or being unable to learn new things. (4) Would the comment be made to someone doing the same thing, but who's 20, 30 or even 40 years younger? <a href="https://medium.com/@goodwincathy/ageist-and-insulting-or-normal-and-friendly-197a7a2d9ccf">Website</a>