As my 2023 came to a close and I reflected on the outgoing year, I saw some cars coming and going three days in a row for what appeared to be a shiva for a resident in my housing complex. It got me thinking about life, mortality, the closure of another year, and what being Jewish has meant to me as an autistic person.
I value my Jewish upbringing. The particular sect I was brought up in fostered inclusiveness, Tikkun Olam, striving to be ethical, and, most of all, the expectation of achievement and accomplishments. Well, I don’t value that last one so much.
Yes, I said it. The not-so-hidden expectation that one achieves great things as a Jewish autistic person can feel like suffocation. In my own case, I can’t pinpoint this feeling to any one person. It’s the culture that makes people feel this way.