Wrestling With My Father’s Misogyny

Iwant to have a healthy relationship with my father,” I said, concluding a summary of how toxic our dynamic currently is. I stopped pacing and looked to my therapist who had listened attentively to my latest rant. As usual, L honed right in on the crux of the matter. “Do you really believe he’s capable of change, though?” Initially, I started doing my mental gymnastics — the last remnants of the pernicious programming from my family of origin — twisting reality to make my father and his toxic tendencies seem harmless. <blockquote> “Do you really believe he’s capable of change, though?” </blockquote> L’s questions challenge me — Were any of those changes lasting? What happened when you stopped devoting your energy to shoring up the boundaries he wouldn’t stop pummeling? After wrestling with my resistance for some time the truth was undeniable. He doesn’t change. He’s basically the same man with the same beliefs and preferences that he was when I was a small child. He complains incessantly to me about how he doesn’t have anyone anymore. He blames it on living on the outskirts of our city. Of the six children he’s had in this life, I am the only one who speaks to him at present. If you asked any one of the other five why they don’t have a relationship with him, his zip code is the last answer they would give. <a href="https://medium.com/fourth-wave/wrestling-with-my-fathers-misogyny-6f525168093a">Website</a>