Why I Felt Divorced From My Masculinity as a Gay Black Man

“You can’t do that!” was one of my mother's infamous lines. From an outsider's perspective, her delivery would not suggest mockery, but rather a simple statement conveying an honest appraisal of one’s ability based on prior experiences. Onlookers might equate the simplicity in her utterance to the benign delivery one might use when stating "Today’s Wednesday." when asked the day of the week by a coworker that has lost track of time during the muck and mire of a hectic work schedule. Perhaps it can be compared to the matter-of-fact response between two strangers when one asks what time the bus headed east will arrive, and the other gives a cursory response of "The schedule says 11:45." Despite its innocuous semblance, I found it beyond hurtful knowing its aim. My mother intended to emasculate me. Mannish Boys v. Gay Boys "He’s going to grow up and have five baby mamas.", my mother would mention to her girlfriends on the phone as she joked about my brother's mannish ways. Mannish is a term frequently used by black Americans denoting a young male demonstrating adult-like behavior. The word is often used to describe behavior that is of a sexual or suggestive nature. Mannish can be used as both an adjective ("Gon' sit yo mannish self down somewhere.") and an adverb ("Stop all'a dat mannish talk."). <a href="https://medium.com/@elijahnahri/why-i-felt-divorced-from-my-masculinity-as-a-gay-black-man-9f41ad836f6e">Website</a>