Three reasons not to bring hostility

I enjoy challenges to my “conventional wisdom” about how developers and dev teams work. A lot of what we learn along the way could be improved upon. “The way we’ve always done it” isn’t necessarily the best way. Luckily, I have found a number of people on social media who offer those challenges in their posts. Much of the time, if I don’t agree already, I learn something or at least I have a new point of view to consider. However, I have noticed two unsettling things about some of this writing: 1. It can be a bit — or a lot — hostile to people who don’t agree, and 2. I found myself enjoying that hostile tone. I get it. It feels good to be right. And, although I suspect few people want to admit this out loud, it feels good (at least temporarily) to put someone else down. Why else would so many people do that so often? “You’re just plain wrong… real developers wouldn’t… only immature developers would… doing x is foolish… why even do y, it’s a waste of time…” Mockery, insults, and lots of condescension. I also understand that sometimes people are simply responding in kind, having been the original target of some hostility from detractors. That kind of thing can push my buttons too, and I can get caught up in defensiveness — here’s the data (or the expert opinions or the superior reasoning), you’re wrong, I’m right, so there. The more I reflect on this approach, though, the more it worries me. While I can still learn from others who operate this way, I’m moving away from engaging in and with that kind of hostility, and here’s why. <h1>Be kind</h1> First and foremost: “be kind” seems a good rule of thumb to me. There’s another human being on the other end of the conversation. Disagree, present your case, set limits and boundaries, fine. But be kind about it. As a friend says, “we’re trying to have a society here.” <h1>It’s ineffective</h1> Second: is hostility useful? Does condescending help? Is it likely to change someone’s mind? I think not. Does rudeness towards you change your mind on a topic? Assuming not, why would your return fire change their mind? Or is the objective not to change someone’s mind? What is the objective, then? Uh oh. For me, if I look closely at it when I am in “fight mode,” the objective is to prove my superiority. Not how I want to show up in the world. <a href="https://bouncingleaf.medium.com/three-reasons-to-not-bring-hostility-85f5ad3ad02b">Read More</a>