Tel (The Doorman) is thinking about buying a new vehicle. I say ‘vehicle’ rather than ‘car’, because unlike your average-Joe who lives on the fourth floor of an apartment block on a housing estate, he drives a farm tractor. He once told me that it had 16 gears. I used to drive a car with six gears, and that took a bit of concentration, so I asked him how he ever knew which gear he was in. “I’m one with the foh’kin vehicle”, he said, ‘and I just foh’kin know — alright?’. I didn’t argue (you wouldn’t).
Creeping Sid asked him what he was thinking of buying. “Summat big”, said Tel, “cause I’m not a small bloke”. No-one would disagree with him on that. If you crossed a mountain gorilla with a Rubik’s Cube and put it in a cheap suit — you’d be looking at Tel (The Doorman)’s twin. “A truck”, said Tel, “that’s what I foh’kin fancy, a truck”.