I’m Running For President and It’s Not Funny

I am the perfect candidate for president. I have no political experience, excel at insulting people, and always sport a fake tan. I don’t play golf (Is miniature golf okay?), but I have a dog that bites, and I can read off a teleprompter with 105% accuracy as long as I’m not crying. I also don’t take anything too seriously, which is essential in times like these. Yes, I have some skeletons in my closet, but I don’t have children who will embarrass me in Daily Mail headlines with regularity. I can pardon a turkey at least once a week remotely. I will also write my own speeches, as long as no one minds if they all start with “Once upon a time . . .” because it calms me and sets a nice fairytale tone. <a href="https://medium.com/the-haven/im-running-for-president-and-it-s-not-funny-78c01e50a5f1">Click Here</a>