NYC blues
<p>Didn’t sleep properly yesterday — drank a pretty much full cup of bitter Matcha tea, still don’t have almond milk or any kind of other milk or cream at the apt being cautious not to bring too much of stuff that potentially could go bad if I left the city for a few days. And yes, for me, a cup of Matcha at 5:15 pm equals tossing & turning through the night until 4 am or so rewinding all my past failed loves & semi-loves in my overstimulated brain. I even had to please myself a bit to take off the edge hoping that it would relax & put me to sleep. But no, I kept lying on my mattress (did not commit to a bed frame yet) restless & agonizing spinning through the same thought patterns again & again — why do they always leave me? Those younger boys whom I admire so much & who tease me & drop me like a broken umbrella on NYC dirty pavement. Why can I never for a change capture & break the heart of somebody who is about to do it to me? Why cannot I beat them to it?</p>
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