It’s Hard Not to Betray Yourself for Love When You’re Lonely
<p>Sometimes, if I’m honest, I want to compromise a little. I want to bend the rules I set for myself. I’m lonely, and it would be so much easier not to be if I was willing to wiggle my standards down lower. But lower is how I got here in the first place. Lower isn’t going to make me happy.</p>
<p>But is this happiness, this creeping sense of isolation? I’ve done everything we’re told to do when we’re alone. I love myself. I enjoy my time alone. I’ve curated a beautiful life for myself. I step outside my comfort zone. I jumped out of an airplane, for goodness’ sake, not once but twice! I am facing my fears and living my life, but sometimes, I just want to fall asleep with another person’s arm wrapped around me and the sound of another heartbeat in the room that doesn’t belong to a pet or my child.</p>
<p>There are days I feel as if I am coming undone, slowly unraveling from the strain of holding it all together and being the one to hold myself as I fall asleep. I want. I <em>want. </em>But I’ve come too far to negotiate the non-negotiables. That’s how I messed up before. I can’t afford to do that now.</p>
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