I Stopped Being The Back-Up Plan For Uncertain Lovers

It was almost flattering how often it happened if I didn’t think about it too hard. They would keep the relationship with me casual until they found someone else. Then, they’d occasionally pop back into my DMs when the relationship wasn’t going well or when they had a fleeting thought of me. Let me be honest: I was vulnerable. My heart had been broken, and I really wanted to believe that I was wanted. Isn’t that, after all, what we all want? To be wanted? To be loved? I accepted the crumbs of their affection. They accepted the stroke to their ego when their overtures weren’t rebuffed. I have genuine affection for the people I’ve connected with romantically, but I wonder if all I am is their forever runner-up, the reliable backup plan in case something better doesn’t turn out to be better after all. I had this thought most recently when a text request for a date turned into a conversation 24 hours later about how he’d met someone else but wanted to keep in touch — the silent just in case tacked on to the seemingly innocuous request. But I am no man’s backup plan. I started to realize that this initially flattering attention wasn’t flattering at all. I wasn’t someone to be cherished. I was an object to be picked up and put down on a whim. As this isn’t how I see myself, I began to ask myself why I allowed anyone else to make me feel this way. <a href="https://medium.com/heart-affairs/i-stopped-being-the-back-up-plan-for-uncertain-lovers-9a4bf47b651d">Visit Now</a>