trying to be a mirror // claiming brownness in montana

My uncle recently told me that in addition to being Korean, I’m part Japanese, too. In stereotypical Asian fashion, I cried not in front of him about this, but four days later alone in my room. It’s a few months later, and I think I am starting to understand why this brought me to tears. There has not been a day in my memory-making life that I have not felt an immense pressure to uphold the bloodlines of my grandmothers. When I was a kid, I had to ask my father to speak to me in Spanish, which he would only do inside the confines of our home. He was very, estamos en los estados unidos, así que hablamos inglés. My mother doesn’t have much of a tie to her Korean-ness other than her last name and the fact that she was bullied like we all were, even when we finished school. Despite (because of?) my parents’ broken ties with their heritage, I’ve felt it my responsibility to reclaim and uncover the pieces of history whose threats of being lost are mere echoes from the long walk across South America and Angel Island. <a href="https://jennyalvauaje.medium.com/trying-to-be-a-mirror-claiming-brownness-in-montana-9b72c53b40a1">Website</a>