My Father Is Ashamed Of Me

“Much has been written about co-dependency. All agree that it is about the loss of selfhood. Co-dependency is a condition wherein one has no inner life. Happiness is on the outside. Good feelings and self-validation lie on the outside. They can never be generated from within.” ― John Bradshaw, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/94854" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" target="_blank">Healing the Shame that Binds You</a> I reminisce about the day my father told me he loved me and I could smell the whiskey on his breath. I was around the age of eight. He had just broken into our home through a bedroom window. Our house was a prefab built during or just after the Second World War, so it wasn’t terribly secure and fairly easy for any of us to break into. I recall my mother had talked about arranging a legal injunction to stop him from bothering her, as even though my father didn’t want my mother in his life, he wouldn’t let her go either. He had a jealous streak and toxic behavior, which was bizarre because he was the one who had the other lovers. My mother also spoke to me about wanting to stop complete contact and I started to sob deeply and heavily. My tiny body shook and I felt the sheer grief of my brokenness from the bottom of my heart. My father, to me, was somehow, the better parent. My mother was eccentric, religious, and ruled by an iron rod, a large wooden spoon, and a hard set of knuckles. She was the mad one. <a href="https://medium.com/@c.weiss_48662/my-father-doesnt-want-to-know-me-e1467d18bbda">Visit Now</a>