Alligator Ziplining Is Not What You Think

The other day I told the MuddyUm editors I was about to do something crazy. “Guess what? I’m going alligator ziplining!” Their reaction was as if I’d said I was doing a ropes course over an all-you-can-eat buffet inside Mauna Loa’s volcanic crater. They were like, “I wish I was you!” I blushed, a little fevered over my fanbase. Then they were like, “I wish I was you if I wanted to die!” Fans say stupid things. I was in Florida with my sister. We wanted adventure. We decided to zipline over amassed alligators. The brochure showed piles of them. It looked even more adventurous than going on a trip without your phone. And it was — if you think a stint as a zoo animal is up there with BASE jumping. When we got to the alligator park, we learned how little we know about grammar. “Alligator ziplining” is almost exactly what it means — alligators ziplining. The entry fee for primates covers the opportunity to be the big attraction for the alligators. Alligators think humans are super cool, especially when viewed in our natural habitat. I’m not sure we’re that cool. Regardless, we paid the $30K entrance fee, signed away the rights to our dignity, piled onto a wheelbarrow, and were escorted to the so-called habitat. The experience thus far was meh, but it got better. The Habitat Inhabitants liaison dumped us at the edge of a shallow, algae-infested pond. Talk about natural. Everything was such bright green. <a href="https://muddyum.net/alligator-ziplining-is-not-what-you-think-cd44dcd9fe1c">Learn More</a>