A Song about Jesus Saved Me From a Childhood of Hell
<p>The doctors told Tammy not to ride horses while pregnant because she was at high risk for miscarriage, but she rode anyway.</p>
<p>She gave up her maternal rights before my first birthday. She did not want to be a mom to me.</p>
<p>Between nine months and three years old, my sense of security and stability slowly eroded to nothing. I slept in tents on the streets of Santa Fe and defended myself from monsters disguised as caretakers.</p>
<p>My father said goodbye when I was four. Not, “See you later, alligator.”</p>
<p>After a while, living was like navigating crocodile-infested waters. The identity of mine that had been trying to emerge was forever marred.</p>
<p>In my fifth year, I lost my faith in the willingness and ability of adults to protect the weak and innocent.</p>
<p>Although innocence was something I never had.</p>
<p>I have one book devoted to my time in foster care. It contains a few photos of my biological parents, my half-siblings, and foster family members. It has the names of my caseworker, judges, doctors, and the schools I went to.</p>
<p>There are glimpses of what my early life was like.</p>
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